I Need You To Survive

I need you, you need me.
We're all a part of God's body.
Stand with me, agree with me.
We're all a part of God's body.

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.

I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.
I won't harm you with words from my mouth.
I love you, I need you to survive.

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.

RELIENT K LYRICS

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Forever Faithful ...

I knew all along that God was drawing me closer to him, I just hadn't let it happen yet.  I think I may have just needed a bit of a reality check.  More than that, I needed to gain the courage to share my real thoughts and feelings.  Thanks to everyone who listened.  And thank you God for continuing to work in my life.  You are more to me than I can ever say.

God, what are you doing?

I just don't know what to think anymore.  I'm tired of hiding my feelings, of feeling like this, of crying myself to sleep.  Tired of pretending that I am okay.  I'm not, although I like to think that I am.  I feel like I did back in October when I ended up in the ER, but this time I'm not going.  I know that God uses these times to teach, grow, and stretch me, but right now it hurts so much.  I thought I was past all this, that God and I worked through all this mess already.  Evidently I was wrong.  I know God is going to get me through this, I just have to keep looking to him. 

I am so good at hiding my real feelings from people.  It's something I taught myself to do back in middle school.  I wish I hadn't.  It's not good to keep all these feelings bottled up inside of me.  I'm not alright, I just haven't quite figured out what to do about it yet.

Psalm 86

What do you do when you can't have the thing you want most?